With Knives and Pens We Made a Promise
by FallenDarkAngel2
Summary: She made a promise but one misunderstanding ended it all. Its better than it sounds. Read and Review please  : thanks


Disclaimer- I do not own Victorious

AN- So I got this story from Knives and Pens by Black Veil Brides. I love that song. Anyways, please read and review.

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She holds on to that book like her life depended on it. It probably does. She writes down **everything**. She writes about her mother being a drunk, her father disowning her, her first love (Beck), the death of her sister and the first time she held that small knife blade to her wrist. It was her comfort, holding that sharp razor against her cold skin, against her fragile veins. She knows how deep she could get it in without popping a vein. It is her best comfort. All she needs is that book filled with secrets and that knife that was pure joy. I know, why on earth would she look comfort in that when she has Beck? Everyone thinks she's open with him when their alone. But that's bull shit because she is Jade West. And Jade West refuses to open up. So they've been dating for 2 years and he always asks for her trust. So she tells him part of her secrets. She's not lying, just not telling the entire answer. For example, she'll tell him that her mother is a drunk but she won't say why. She'll say him that her father doesn't like her, never says anything about him hitting her on occasions. She'll tell him that she loves him but she keeps quiet of telling him that she needs him to survive. And finally, she tells him her fear. Her fear of being left alone. She doesn't say its him she fears of losing nor does she say its her parents.

So you see, she does trust him...with only basic things and not with detail. But every girl is entitled to a secret or more. And that book, she keeps it far away from him. She always has it and never shows it to him. He doesn't even know that she has it. She keeps it in her bag, all the way at the bottom underneath all her school stuff. She puts it underneath her pillow when she sleeps. Its her secrets, her life and hidden in between the pages was her thin razor. Since she is always with her book, she is always with her razor. If something bad where to happen while she was at school, she would excuse herself and run to the bathroom. She'd hide in the bathroom stall and scratch the pain away. The pain she feels when she's digging deeper and deeper, opening old wounds, makes her concentrate on only that. She forgets her worries for a couple of minutes but its those minutes that help her get back on her feet. Like I said, she knows how deep she could get it in before she actually kills herself. She doesn't do it to die, she does it to let her pain escape. She lets the warm liquid run down her arm and onto the floor, she'll clean it up later. She'll press paper towels to her wounds and wait for it to stop bleeding. She'll clean the blade, clean up her mess and go back out to the world. She'll hold her head up high, not going to let her pain show.

But her comfort is taken away from her because she was stupid and let it show. No, not her wrist but her razor. Like any other day, she goes to Beck's RV after school. As soon as the door shut behind her, he pulls her towards him and locks their lips together. She, being so indulged in his mouth, let her bag drop on the floor. She hears it drop to the floor but ignores it because she is know laying underneath him on his bed. And they're horny teenagers, alone in a RV with no parents around. So they go and you know, have sex. And you ask, wouldn't he see her cuts? Well she isn't that stupid. She works wonders with a brush and make-up. The way she devised everyone she had a black eye because Vega gave it to her. Yeah, so she puts layers and layers of make-up until everyone of her scars fade away. It would come off with water and sweat. But she's Jade and Jade never sweats. Well except for than the time she was stuck in the stupid RV. Other than that she never sweats, not even after an insane sex session. So after they finish, she rest her head on his chest and he wraps his arm around her waist. He looks around for his boxers but his eyes locks on her bag. What do we have here? He sees a black book on the ground, along with her school stuff. But sticking out of that book he sees a sharp metal thing. He finds his boxers and puts it on as she slides back into her bra and underwear. He slowly moves to it, she doesn't even notice him until it's too late.

"Jade, what the hell is this?" He asks, holding it in his hands. He sees a stain on it. Is that dry blood? She forgets how to breathe when she sees him holding it. She opens her mouth but no words come out. What's wrong, Jade? Don't know how to get out of this right? He bends down and picks up the book.

"No! Don't touch that!" She yells as she tackles him and snatches it way. She presses it so hard against her chest that she can feel the corners of the book sinking into her chest. She reaches for the blade but he pulls it away.

"Jade, why do you have this?" He questions.

"I...Beck give it back!" She yells. Smooth, you couldn't have made it any more obvious.

"No, tell me the truth. Are you cutting?" He asks. His face is full of pain and fear. He knows the answer but doesn't want to believe it until he hears it. And her world is crashing down. Better luck next time.

"Y-yes..." She whispers and shes trying so hard not to look at him because she's crying silently. This isn't part of her plan, she was suppose to keep it a secret. He wonders where she does it because he never sees it. He looks at her wrist and part of her make-up is smudged. He drops the razor on the table and grabs her arm. He drags her into the bathroom and turns on the sink. And she's to busy crying that she can't fight back. He pulls her wrist under the water and watches as all the make-up disappears, revealing old and fresh scars. He doesn't know what to do at this point except fall to his knees. Wasn't he enough to keep her away from stuff like this. She can't handle seeing him like this. He's broken because she's broken. She kneels beside him and wipes away her tears. She holds his hand and its shaking. He is going to leave her know?

"Beck...please, say something." She whispers. He looks at her, pain and hurt in his eyes. And her tears come flowing out again.

"W-why would you do this?" He asks.

"I-I don't know." Is all she can say.

"Yes you do! You know why so please tell me." He begs. She looks down and removes her hands from his but he holds them.

"Beck...it makes me feel better, ok? This is my comfort. Please don't take it away." She says.

"Jade this is not a comfort. Its a death sentence. And I am not going to let you do this, not anymore. I love you, do you know how much I would hurt if you died? I can't and won't live without you." He explains.

"Don't do it. Please stop...or I'll do it too." He says. She looks at him confused.

"What are you talking about? You can't do it too." She says.

"You do it, why can't I?" He asks. So now you choose Jade, does he suffer the pain that you do or do you stop and promise you won't ever do it again?

"Beck...don't hurt yourself. I-I'll stop, ok?" She gives in. He nods and hugs her. She cried into her chest. She needs her comfort now but she can't. He's going to become her only comfort now. She can always just cut in different parts of her body right? Maybe this time she won't be stupid and get caught. Right now, she'll just make him a promise. He grabs her book and she makes no effort in taking it back. He flips through the pages, making sure she had no more blades hidden in it. Then he goes to to an empty page and grabs a pen. He writes down the date and time.

_I promise with this pen and paper that I will never use a knife as an escape. _He makes her sign it. Very corny, I know but she does it anyways. With knives and pens she made a promise.

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Weeks have passed and now he's checking her wrists for any new scratch. He finds none because she stopped. She made that promise and wants to keep it. Besides, she can't really do it anymore. He went to her house after the "accident" and disposed of all her comforts she hid in her room. She could always get more but that would be pointless. He is all the comfort she needs.

So now they sit together at lunch with their friends but she says its only his friends. Except for Cat, she likes Cat. They grew up together and she can actually tolerate her. But one day she shows up at lunch but finds no sign of Beck. Or Tori Vega. She asks where they are but no one knows.

"I'm going to go find him." She says as she gets up from the table. She wonders around in the halls of Hollywood Arts. She can't seem to find him. As she passes the auditorium she hears Vega's stupid giggles. Maybe she knows? Jade walks in only to see her heart stop. She gasps so quietly that she can't be heard. Beck...Vega...kiss. They stood there kissing, no one else was around. She forgets how to breathe. They break apart and he smiles at Tori and she smiles back. She decides to leave before they could see her. It was intended for her not to see, let's keep it like that. Tears threaten her eyes and how the hell could he do that? She runs through the halls only to bump into Andre. They fall to the floor. And he ses the tears in her eyes.

"What's wrong?" He asks helping her back up. She grabs her stuff and looks at him. He's concerned. She can't say anything, she wasn't suppose to see it. She swallows hard.

"I don't feel good. I'm going home." She says before walking away as fast as she could. Before she knew it, she's sprinting away from the building. She stops when she's a few blocks away. She gasps for air. He's a liar. He's a cheater. He broke her heart. And it hurts so badly. So she goes home, mom isn't home. Probably at some bar. Dad isn't home. At work fucking his sectary. She runs to the kitchen, fuck it. He breaks her heart, she breaks his promise. She runs to her room, dropping her bag on the floor. She cries on her bed. She doesn't want to do this anymore. She's worked so hard to stop but fuck it, its all over. And she sits up and holds the knife to her wrist. This is the last time she'll cut because this is the last time you'll see her. One. Two. Three. The blade sinks deep into her skin and she gasps of the pain. She's crying so hard she can barley see anything. She lets the knife fall and she falls to the floor. All her hopes have shattered. They say they need you but they don't care. No one can save her soul now.

Meanwhile Andre bumps into Beck after he watches Jade leave.

"Dude, where were you?" Andre asks.

"At rehearsal with Tori. We got the lead in some play. I meant to tell Jade but I couldn't find her." Beck says.

"Yeah well she went home." Andre replies.

"What? Why? Is she ok?" Beck asks worried.

"I don't know. She said she didn't feel well but it looked like she was crying." He says before Beck is running, full speed, out the door. He runs to his car and drives as fast as he can to her house. Her house door is open. He turns off the car and runs to her. Her stuff is scattered on the floor. He runs to her room, hearing something fall on the floor. He burst in to see her lying on the ground crying. He screams her name and runs to her. The puddle of blood growing. His hand shaking he calls the police. He doesn't know what to do. He's crying.

"Why Jade? I love you. Please don't go." He says to her. She's looking at him, tears still falling. But she's growing weaker and weaker. Her eyes begin to close.

"No! No Jade! You are not doing this to me! JADE!" He screams throw tears. And her chest stops moving and she's not breathing. He's crying and the stupid police barley gets there. They move him away and try to revive her but it's too late. And she's gone. With knives and pens they made a promise. A promise that broke and ended her life.

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AN- so tell me if you like it or not (: thanks! Review~


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